Ian's father served as a military policeman in the British Army just after the second world war. He spent most of his time in Egypt and the Sudan. Below are a couple of army poems (for want of a better word) he brought home with him. Please note that these verses, though quaintly old-fashioned perhaps, should nevertheless be considered Adults Only. You can click on the images to view larger versions.

THE M.P.'s PSALM

The M.P. is my protector, I shall not stray,
He maketh me abide by MILITARY LAW,
He returneth me to CAMP.
He restoreth my PROPERTY.
He leadeth me in the paths of righteousness for my own sake.
Yea, though I drive through a red light I will fear no evil for they are with me,
Their ARMBANDS AND REDTOPS protect and comfort me.
They prepare a GUARD before me in the presence of my enemies.
They hold me with steady hands when my cup runneth over.
Surely ARMY REGULATIONS shall direct me all the days of my service,
Or I shall dwell in the GUARD ROOM for EVER and EVER.

A SOLDIER'S FAREWELL TO THE SUDAN

Land of sweat and smelly socks, of sun and sand and lots of pox
Land of sores and prickly heat, aching hearts and aching feet
Hordes of flies that buzz around, piles of wog shit on the ground
Land of mossies, fleas and flies, for this alone it takes first prize

Streets of sorrow, streets of shame, streets for which I have no name
Clouds of dust that choke and blind, driving soldiers out of mind
Donkeys, goats and thieving wogs, harlots, thieves and festering dogs
Land of wog lads, bints, faloose, of shufti zubri, shufti cus

Land where children in their teens sell rubber goods outside canteens
Bucksheesh, bucksheesh, is their cry, for this alone they live and die
Land where bints for twenty ackers will accommodate your knackers
Land where prostitutes [are] rife, eternal smell, eternal strife

Land where wogs have pricks like donkeys, exhibit them like playful monkeys
Land where white bints wear no pants, and fuck just like the desert ants
I leave you now with no regrets, the sights I've seen I'll ne'er forget
Land of sorrow, filth and shame, I've seen you once, but ne'er again

Blackman's heaven, whiteman's hell
Land of bastards - fare thee well

Vocabulary:
Wog - "Western Oriental Gentleman", an Arab
bint - woman
faloose - money
shufti - look at
zubri - cock (as in penis)
cus - "fuck you!"
bucksheesh (or backsheesh)- free
ackers - money (from Egyptian "akka": one piastre)